Hooked on Hooks!!

I'm participating in Kimberly Zook's Hooked on Hooks blogfest. You can link the opening lines of your current WIP onto Kimberly's blog and get comments on it. You also get to comment on at least 3 other people's hooks, to spread the love!

Interested? Found out more here at the link to Kimberly's blog.

The Hook From My YA Romantic Comedy:

Where Are Boys From, Uranus?

Maybe he's just really shy. That's why he won't look at me.
"I like lots of different bands," I say in response to my date's fifty-billionth question. But I feel like I'm trying to get to know the steak knife instead of Tyson. All I've seen of him since we got to the Mango Grill is the top of his blonde, healthy head o' hair.
He nods. Is it to let me know he's listening? Or to make me think he's listening.
Why did I say anything? If I keep quiet maybe he'll actually look up at me. Maybe he spilled some sauce on his pants and the spot is shaped like a hula dancer.

Lol found the picture online. Anyway, there it is, my hook. Let me know what you think!

Second Campaigner Challenge

This one was definitely a challenge! I had to look up most of those words (since I'm not a human dictionary)!

Here are Rachel's rules for this one:

Write a blog post in 200 words or less, excluding the title. It can be in any format, whether flash fiction, non-fiction, humorous blog musings, poem, etc. The blog post should:

• include the word "imago" in the title
• include the following 4 random words: "miasma," "lacuna," "oscitate," "synchronicity,"

If you want to give yourself an added challenge (optional and included in the word count), make reference to a mirror in your post.

For those who want an even greater challenge (optional), make your post 200 words EXACTLY!

I did it. I used every one of the words, referred to a mirror, and all in exactly 200 words, baby! Here it is, in tribute to Halloween coming up next month (which is my favorite holiday):

Far From Imago

Brittney sat on the couch, her nerves on edge from Patches’ ceaseless growls. Except he was in the dated bathroom, growling at the mirror this time instead of at the basement door, a door Brittney had just barricaded with several concrete blocks to keep from opening on its own. The knob turned in the empty silence, grating her nerves.

            Patches barking at the mirror was nothing to oscitate at. Brittney couldn’t help glancing at the rusted vent in the wall. The vent from the basement. An eerie, otherworldly feeling swept over Brittney like never before, pricking the hairs at her arms and neck. More than ever she didn’t want to be in this miasma of a house.

            “Patches,” Brittney said, quivering, her nails digging into the couch fibers.

            In perfect synchronicity the dog’s snarls deepened into barks, the vent leading from the basement rattled as if trying to break loose, and the bathroom faucet shot on full blast of its own accord.

            Brittney screamed—she could practically feel the foreboding presence fill the lacuna cavities in her bones. She shot up from the couch, grabbed Patches and bolted out, vowing to never enter the haunted place again. 

My Chat With an Editor

Hooray! I've been waiting to hear back from Eric Elfman, a freelance editor, about the first four chapters of my novel TEARS, and I finally got to talk to him about it today! He said my opening is really strong, and so is the protag, Kiana, as a character. He really got down to business on world-building, which is exactly what I needed, and he also got nitpicky on seemingly insignificant details that will make a huge difference in making my story more realistic.


He gave a few other helpful tips that I thought I would pass on:

Exposition has to come in response to a character's emotion or else it will seem out of place and take away from the story. If you have it in the wrong place it will pull the reader out and make them disinterested. For example, I explain some of the rules of my fantasy world right in the middle of a tense scene, but he suggested I move it after the character has a little bit of an emotional release, to when Kiana can really think about why no one can cry in her world instead of thinking about it when she should be worried about the danger in the opening scene.

And he said the more complex your characters/story can be, the better (which is kind of a "duh," but still helpful to be reminded of), and he suggested a way to make Kiana more complicated as a character, as well as a few of my other characters. So hooray. I have work to do! 

Hope you all have a great weekend with lots of happy writing!


Btw, if anyone is interested, Eric's website is here: http://www.ericelfmancoaching.com/

Where Has All My Time Gone?

I don't remember the last time I felt so BUSY! Before I get into this, I want to start with a precursor: I AM NOT COMPLAINING!! Just venting. :o) I'm sure it could be a lot crazier, but for me, this is crazy enough!

-Hubby started harvest, so I cook for 2 additional guys who are also staying at our house for 2 months.

-I LOVE this campaign and try to check out other blogs and reply to you amazing peeps who comment on mine.

-I'm going to an SCBWI retreat in October that requires reading and critiquing 3 other ms's, in addition to helping out my awesome betas. (BTW, what I've read so far is awesome!)

-I hosted a Pampered Chef party for my sis-in-law (and got $60 free product, woot!)

-I teach music to the children in church and we're getting ready to perform in a few weeks.

-I have two studly kids who keep me busy anyway, and who I try to read to and play with as much as I can.

Anyway, lately I feel like I'm scrambling around, and I haven't written anything since the first campaign challenge! I keep going on Twitter and seeing everyone's tweets about how they shot down 1k words today or whatever, and I so admire you right now!

I've read this same topic on several other blogs, but I'm just adding my little tidbit: It's all about BALANCE! I'm slowly whittling down, scratching things off my to-do list, taking breathers with my kids, until things settle back down again!

Here it is, guys. What do you do when you feel like things are out of whack? How do you get balance back?

My Other Passion

I've been playing the clarinet since I was 13 years old...maybe it's 12, not sure. Anyway, I LOVE it. And I'm excited because our community orchestra started up again Tuesday night. It's a little like playing in a high school orchestra again, but I'm not complaining because I'm just glad I get to play at all!

Here's me.

When I asked my stand partner to take my picture she looked at me like I was Psy-cho! Lol so I told her it was for my blog. She's cool, she went to Interlochen Arts Academy with Josh Groban (not the only reason why I like her, but it's definitely a perk).

Yay, I'm a Winner!

I've just been awarded not one, but two blog awards. Huge thanks, Rachel! (Her very cute blog is here.)

Aaahhh, I just love looking at them! Now it's my turn to pass it on. By accepting these, I agree to:

1. Thank and link to the person who nominated me. -check
2. Share 7 random facts about myself. -will do
3. Pass the award to 5 blogger friends -will do
4. Contact and congratulate the nominated blogs. -will do

Seven Facts of Randomness about ME:

1. I am the youngest of five kids, and of the five, I am the only one with (naturally) blonde hair.

2. When I was eight or nine years old I wrote a whole series of picture books called Why, Mr. Rabbit about a rabbit who moves to town and has super powers. The illustrations were done thanks to the new stencils I'd gotten for my birthday-ha ha. Sadly, the books were thrown away in a fit of childish sibling rivalry. Boo hoo.

3. Even though I only have two children, I've been pregnant FIVE times. (I despise you, miscarriages).

4. I am a Mormon! :) Check out my profile, if you want!

5. I play the clarinet like a madwoman (or I used to. Not as much since I had kids and started writing. And blogging!), and my senior year of high school I won first place in the Idaho State solo competition.

6. I'm itching to travel to Europe and see the Eiffel Tower.

7. We are living in our in-laws house while they're serving a mormon mission, and hooha, they're continuing to pay for their housekeeper...sigh. Idk how I'll go back to cleaning my own house when we move!

There it is! Me.

And now, my picks. You lucky winners will get a two week cruise to the Bahamas and a lifetime supply of chocolate! (Just kidding!)

Bridget Straub
Gail Shepherd- PARADOXY
Jill Campbell- Outside the Lines
Kris Newman- Through a Writer's Eyes
Jennifer Groepl-Writer

First Campaigner Challenge

For Rachel's first challenge, we had to write "a short story/flash fiction story in 200 words or less, excluding the title. It can be in any format, including a poem. Begin the story with the words, “The door swung open” These four words will be included in the word count."


I took on the additional challenge--this is exactly 200 words, and ends with "The door swung shut."

The Bargain

             The door swung open, and I stormed past the dozen or so people’s foreheads pressed to ornate prayer rugs. None stirred.
           “What have you done? This isn’t what I signed up for!”

            The man’s ancient blue eyes smiled before his wrinkles did.

           “But you wanted a release.”

           “You failed to mention I’d become this!” I flung open my arms as if it would discharge the festering burden from my chest. Nothing changed.

           “I want out.”

           “No way out,” said the old man through the pipe clenched in his teeth.

           I spun, raking my hands through my hair. “There has to be…” My sight strayed to the candle on the man’s desk. The candle he’d told me if I blew out would free my burden.

          “It’s lit.”

          “So it is.”

           I stood for a moment, thinking it all over. Without another word I stepped back through the incense to the clean air, stopping to share one more glance with my captor. And I knew. The only way to relieve this was to find someone else. Someone foolish enough to believe that all they would have to do to be free is blow out a single, gold-flamed candle. The door swung shut.

Kurious KidFest!

I'm participating in this great blogfest. For info about it, click here.
My favorite book when I was a kid was Bringing the Rain to Kapiti Plain. We had to memorize in when I was in 2nd grade and since then I've loved it. I have a few other faves, but by far, I think this was it.

A giant black cloud covers the plain, the grass is dry, the animals are thirsty, but Kipat uses an arrow and shoots down rain from the cloud. The repetition made it very easy to memorize as a child, and I loved the little Kipat at the end.

Now that I have two boys and get to pick lots of fun books to read to them, my new favorite is this fabulous, creepy, rendition of an old poem, The Spider and the Fly. The illustrations are fabulous. And my 4 year old is in to creepy things like skeletons and spiders, and it's one of his favorites too.

I'm on a roll, I keep thinking of books we love! Here's two more pics and then I'm done! This one is adorable. The skeleton gets the hiccups and he tries to figure out how to get rid of them.

And this is my 18 month old's fave:

Gah! I'd better stop because I keep thinking of other ones I love! Too many good books!

Blogging Blunders!

Hello all!

This is me being a noobie at blogging, but for those of you Campaigners, I've tried posting on some of your blogs and even responding to your comments from my own and it won't let me for some reason. Anyone have a guess why?

I started my blog using a yahoo account, and I've since switched it to a gmail one, but I'm still obviously missing something. Help!

Thanks, peeps!

What Makes Good Description?

As a writer I'm constantly trying to figure out what I can do better, how I can write as good as so and so and yet keep it still me. So I love to read how-to books. I have a sideways stack of them behind the laptop on my desk, and I try to refer to them often.

My latest endeavor is a book called Word Painting: A Guide to Writing More Descriptively.

I often try so hard to be descriptive that I get too wordy, which I've been told is the problem with my YA Fantasy Tears. I'm looking forward to getting it back from Eric Elfman, a freelance editor, who has had my first four chapters for nearly a month. Hurry up, Eric!

Anyway, in Word Painting, Rebecca McClanahan gives four ways to make description effective and bases her methods off Aristotle's writings.

1. Good description is carefully worded. While you need to name someone or something directly and give correct terms for people, places, or events being described, "good description goes beyond accuracy and precision to include the musical qualities of language."

I love this! Because writing and words in the right order can definitely be musical (and I'm a music nut anyway).

2. Good description is sensory. It makes the reader "see things." A salty kiss, a dancer's leap. Readers need to "see" what is being described or experience it through their senses.

3. Good description represents things in a "state of activity." Good description can create the illusion of movement and bring things to life.

4. Good description often uses metaphor and other figurative language. (Though it can be overdone. Agent Mary Kole has a great post about overwriting here.)

McClanahan adds that even if your description has each of these elements, it has to fit the story to be effective. "A five-hundred word description of a deserted barn might ruin the suspense of one story yet supply a breathtaking climax for another."

She also says these are only starting points, not rules to be blindly followed.

Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children

Jacob grew up hearing stories of his grandfather's childhood and seeing pictures of the mysterious orphaned children his grandfather grew up with. Peculiar children with strange abilities. He also grew up hearing of the "monsters" Jacob's grandfather went to war to fight. Jacob always thought "monsters" referred to the Germans in the war. But when his grandfather dies and leaves him a cryptic message to find the orphanage, Jacob begins to uncover the truth.

I couldn't put this book down! It was fantastic. Strange and eerie, yet beautifully written. And the interesting pictures only add to the story. I was especially impressed with two things:

1.The writing was phenomenal. Even though it's from a teenage boy's POV, his use of the English language is above how teenagers usually speak, and his sentences are complex yet readable. Great descriptions throughout, it just pulled me right in.

2. And even though it is from a teenage boy's POV, we don't get details of his anatomical changes whenever he sees a pretty girl (which is one of my pet peeves about reading from teenage boy's perspectives. We know it happens! We don't need to read about it!). Jacob is a spectacularly written character.

I LOVED this book!